Why "The Stan," The Stan?

Those who don't know me may think I made up "The Stan" to sound cool...sort of like "The Shermanator" in American Pie.

But actually, I've been called "The Stan" all my life. I guess with a last name like Stanley, you just can't avoid it.

I'm glad my parents didn't name me "Stanley." Some parents with first names as last names actually get a kick out of naming their kid the same as their last name. But fate was kind to me and I avoided being called "The Stan The Stan" and possibly getting beat up after school three times as often as I did.

Actually, I never got beat up in school. I got in fights. But I never got beat up. It's a benefit of being big. Even most bullies would leave me alone. It was usually the little ones who would run up and hit me, or flick my ear, or something. And then run away before I could do anything about it.

That lasted until I caught one of them and threw him against the lockers. I got in big trouble for that, but it was worth it. Nobody messed with me after that for a long time. At least until eighth grade when another "hit and run" kid sat behind me in history class. He was actually about my size and was kind of a dork.

Every day, he would flick my ears, poke me in the back with a pencil, or otherwise harrass me. Usually I'm a pretty amicable fellow. But after weeks of enduring his torments, I'd finally had enough. So I turned around, flipped this kid's desk over with him still sitting in it, and was on top of him at once, pounding his face in.

To the teacher, I just suddenly "exploded" for no reason and obviously needed counseling. For "no reason" I just started kicking this poor innocent kid's ass right in front of everyone.

Well, my parents knew what was going on and my dad was furious at the suggestion I go into counseling. So I never had to.

But no one ever messed with me after that.

Anyway, "The Stan" has always been a nickname no matter where I go or who I meet. I guess it's part of the cultural phenomenon, or something. Sort of like every William is called Bill. Or anyone from Texas with an obviously Texan accent is called "Tex."

(I happen to be from Texas, but for some reason I never picked up a strong accent. Maybe I'd be called "Tex" if I had. Or maybe I'd be called "Stan Tex," or something. And that's fortunate because "Stan Tex" sounds like a tampon. Yep...I'd have been beat up for that one, for sure.)

But although I've been called "The Stan" for most of my life, I never met anyone who insisted on using the definite article like Matt Bingham. For example, instead of saying "Hi, Stan," dropping the article like everyone else, Matt insists on using it. So for Matt, it's "Hi, The Stan."

It does put an original twist on an otherwise unoriginal moniker. And it stuck. It caught on with everyone I know in California. And so I became not just "Stan," but "THE Stan." And always "THE Stan."

And that's how The Stan became The Stan.

The Stan