Nostalgic About Composing

I'm feeling nostalgic about composing today. I haven't written a damn note for almost a year and a half. And I miss it.

I've had some of my most cathartic moments writing music. There's nothing like the feeling of creating a great theme with a perfect countertheme, then combining them in one grand finale! Or creating an interesting atmospheric effect. Or combining two or more sounds for an interesting orchestral effect.

I love it. I love writing music, especially orchestral music. What can I say?

But writing music right now would violate two of my new Philosophies About Composing:

1. Don't write anything unless it's actually going to get played. (I have enough "bottom drawer" compositions already.)

2. Don't write anything unless you're getting paid...OR you're already independently wealthy. It occurs to me that I'll be 32 years old next month and I have nothing to my name: no house, no decent car...not even a video ipod. Therefore, I just can't afford to spend countless hours writing music that I will never be compensated for. It might as well be a time-sucking hobby.

But I'm not giving up on music forever. In my "Philosophy About Composing #2," I mentioned that I can't spend time writing unless I'm getting paid or am independently wealthy.

So there's my new goal: become independently wealthy so I can write again. AND...being independently wealthy means I'll be able to hire an orchestra to record anything I write!

Interaction with a live orchestra is crucial to mastering orchestration. You need feedback in order to experiment. Studying scores can only go so far. (And it's so damn tedious!) Without feedback, you can't have experimentation. Only mimicry...or speculation. But not experimentation.

So, alas. Just like the longing for a lost lover I pine for the day to write music again. But not yet...not just yet. I've got work to do.

The Stan