The Stan and His Wo-man...

Well, that’s me. And that’s my fiancée. This photo was taken, oh, almost three years and 60 pounds ago. We’re standing at the kitchen bar in our apartment.

Alba is a Oaxacan native and descended from the Mayans. Ever since watching Apocalypto, I’ve been living in fear that she may be harboring some long-dormant head-lopping genes that could express themselves at any moment…particularly during certain periods of the lunar cycle.

Now is one of those times.

Since Alba doesn’t like taking medications of any kind, she just suffers through it…and I along with her.

Still…I always forgive her for her grouchiness. Who can’t forgive such a beautiful face?

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about Alba’s appearance (besides being short) are her eyes. They can’t be called brown…they’re almost solid black. You have to get really close to distinguish the iris from the pupil…which means you have no idea if her eyes are dilating or contracting.

So to judge her frame of mind, you must look for other clues…like the furrow in her brow, or the shape of her mouth.

That may be a bit disconcerting for some people, but to me it makes her even more beautiful and alluring.

In a lot of ways, we really are an odd couple. I’m much taller than she is. I weigh well over twice as much as she. Even once I get back to my lean-mean-sexy machine self (I believe I was around 220 at the time this photo was taken), I’ll still weigh twice as much as she.

I suppose you don’t really appreciate the cultural difference until you live with someone for a while. Since English is Alba’s second language, communication can be maddening at times.

But also humorous.

For example, she occasionally says, “See you later agulator!”

To which I can only respond, “After while, crodocile!”

She often gets “he” and “she” confused and it makes it almost impossible to follow a story if more than one person and one gender is involved.

And on one occasion, she said, “Let’s finish watching this tomaña,” a mix between the English “tomorrow” and the Spanish “mañana.”

Being the occasionally quick-witted person I am, I said “Okay, but I’m really in need of a glass of aguater!” (Spanish “agua” and English “water.” I guess you had to have been there.)

Anyway, you never know what Alba’s going to say…and when she says it, it often makes little sense.

But I still love her.

She’s also introduced me to some very tasty foods I’d never heard of and would likely have gone my whole life never eating were it not for her. I’ll talk more about those tomorrow...

That is, of course, if my head is still firmly attached to my shoulders! Let’s hope it stays there for a very long time…

The Stan