Once upon a time during my college years, I was roaming the halls of the music building when I noticed I was being noticed.
It felt a bit cooler than usual in Ellis Hall that morning. Probably because I was wearing my thin, tan kackis that day as opposed to my usual jeans, since I had to teach that afternoon.
Anyway, lots of looks and smiles were coming my way from some very attractive women and I suddenly felt like a stud. I stood up straighter, smiled back, and said "How's it going?" as I continued down the hall.
All morning this was happening, and I was having a such a great day.
Later, around lunch time, I walked out to my car and as I was sitting down into the driver's seat, I heard a rip. I knew what happened immediately. I could feel the rip in my pants just as I sat down.
So I reached down to survey the damage, and to my horror I realized there was no way that little rip caused my pants tear in half all the way up the butt crack.
Suddenly, understanding dawned.
The whole morning flashed before my eyes like a film in fast forward. All the "flirting" ladies weren't flirting at all...they were laughing at my butt-flap flying like a tan kacki flag in the wind, while my tighty whities mooned all of Ellis Hall.
No wonder it was so cold that morning.
Relating this story, it occurs to me that every single pair of pants I have ever owned in my entire lifetime has bitten the dust the same way: a rip in the crotch. It's as predictable as the sunrise.
I know with 100% certainty that when I buy a new pair of pants, they will go in the garbage within two years from a rip in the crotch. It's only a matter of time...and whether it happens in public or not.
Am I cursed, or something? Why does this happen to me?
It's a good thing I have a sense of humor about it, because it's just the sort of thing to cause a complex!
But I am relieved about one thing, though: I'm glad I found out about my loose butt-flap when I was safely in the car. I can only imagine the "walk of shame" all the way to my car, knowing people were staring and sniggering all the way.
The Stan
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4 comments:
You are seriously crackin me up.
"Am I cursed, or something? Why does this happen to me?"
I think the answer you seek might lie in the subject of your previous post.
hilarious btw.
ah yes! the dreaded "walk of shame"...you should feel blessed for not having to endure that painful walk!
just how long ago was this stan?
Oh, I do, M&M...I do.
And this was maybe 10 years ago...enough time for the trauma to wear off so I can laugh about it. (Actually it was pretty funny at the time, too. Embarrassing as hell...but funny.)
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