The Opening...

Sorry for my delay, folks. My computer finally bit the dust, so I've got to steal a few minutes from work in order to post.

But to continue...

As I was saying, Shelley bungalow nights are always full of fun and merryment. She was living in her Aunt's back yard in Torrance before she married Matt. And as a bit of trivia, the photo you see at the top right (with me wearing my bug-eye glasses) was taken at her Aunt's house in Shelley's "front yard" on New Year's Eve one year.

On the night in question, Shelley had assembled the usual suspects: Matt & Shelley, of course; Michelle & Mateo, who were "just friends" at the time; Geoff & Emily, who hadn't been married long; Matt & Raven, his mail-order wife from the Phillipines...and me and Alba.

(By the way, you ever notice how you always put the name of the person you've known longest first? For instance, I knew Michelle long before I met Mateo, so naturally it's "Michelle & Mateo," and not the other way around. But I only met Raven after she came back from her and Matt's Phillipino "shotgun wedding" with Matt wearing a scottish kilt with the photos to prove it (even though he's not Scottish), so it's "Matt & Raven." Do you do the same thing?)

I don't exactly remember how Shelly got away with insisting that everyone be present for "the opening," but somehow it happened. We're all sitting in our pow-wow circle in Shelley's tiny, hot-as-hell living room when it's finally time to open my present from Ms. [grotesquely fat woman].

Naturally, I'm curious to know what Ms. [grotesquely fat woman] would get me for my birthday and how the hell she knew it was, in fact, my birthday. But I'm also not as gullible as you might think, and I knew Shelley must have been up to something. But who am I to stop the fun?

So the gift is presented amid the hushed crowd, as everyone looks on expectantly. Excitedly, I tear off the wrapping, and open the box inside it...and pull out...wait for it...and big, black dildo dubbed the "Jr. Dong," with a note in lovely, flowery writing that says:

Happy Birthday, Aaron.

I hope you get as much enjoyment from this as I did!

-Ms. [grotesquely fat woman]

Obviously, I must show the crowd my lovely new gift, so out comes the wobbly "Jr. Dong" for all to see--including the incredibly scandalized Raven, who was a bit more conservative than we realized, I think.

So everyone's howling except for the scandalized Raven, when Alba pulls out Mr. Jr. Dong and starts waving it around herself, and making favorable comparisons between its 7" length and my own personal dong, which I don't discourage.

So anyway, it was all a riot. Even Raven finally relaxed, and after about a million "Oh, my God's" and had to admit is was pretty damn funny.

So after that, the Jr. Dong started making the rounds as it became tradition to pass it on to someone else at the next birthday. I happen to remember another scene in a nice restaurant, when out came the Jr. Dong at Heather's birthday. (I think it was Heather's birthday, but don't quote me on it.)

But with time, the Jr. Dong has passed into legend, and no one is sure what its fate was. Maybe it's still out there...waiting for the day it will rise again.

The Stan