Famous Tuba Players

I love tuba players. They're usually the dorks of the band, and that's saying something. Tuba players usually have sense of humor and don't take themselves as seriously as the rest of the brass players.

That's why I like them so much. Maybe I should have been a tuba player, myself. I never really got the hang of the whole trumpet player ego thing.

But anyway, I was relaxing with a few beers the other day with my friend Abel, my tuba playing friend, when he saw fit to inform me of famous tuba players past and present. He even gave me the photo evidence to prove it.

I was impressed. In fact, I believe many of you will recognize some of these closet tubists:















In other news, the L.A. Metropolitan Brass Band had their first concert in over a year yesterday. As usual, it was a big hit with the crowd, and it was a decent one, too. We expect to have two more concerts this year: a fall concert and a Christmas concert.

I didn't play this time around. Too little time to practice and get in shape. So I worked the audience collecting names and email addresses. I don't want any repeats of our first concert where the band was bigger than the audience!

The Stan

H2ommmm Water: Vibration Hydration!

I've been studying marketing for over a year now, and as my die-hard readers know, I work as a marketing director for a small company in Torrance. So when I see a site like www.h2omwater.com, there are two sides of myself looking at this.

The first side is the educated, skeptical side who has more than a layman's understanding of science. The side that thinks crystal-hugging, magnet-loving, new-age hippies are full of sh*t.

But then there's the marketer in me who appreciates good marketing.

So let's consider H2om water. For the uninitiated, that's pronounced "H 2 Ommmm." Here's a bit of copy straight from their website:

Intention is Everything

H2Om Water with Intention is the world’s first interactive natural spring water. Infused with the power of positive energy through words, music, colors, symbols and you.

Our vision for H2Om is to spread positive energy, inspire people to visualize amazing possibilities in their lives, and carry those vibrations throughout the world.

But wait! There's more...

As an added bonus, once our water is in the bottle, we play a restorative compositions [sic] of music, frequencies, and spoken word to the water.

Isn't that nice? I get to pay $1.50 per 16 ounce bottle (if I buy it in a 24-bottle case, that is)--plus shipping--so I can get water that's been sung at.

You see, that's important because, as H2Om tells me, "Recent scientific studies have proven that water is receptive. It retains and reflects the vibratory energy it is exposed to." (Don't ask me what that means.) "Whether it be words, thoughts, or music, water receives these vibrations and illustrates them under magnification." (Don't ask me what that means, either.) "Based on these principles, H2Om water was created." (There. Clear as mud.)

Check out their taglines:
"A positive affirmation in every bottle. Think it while you drink it!"

When I read something this hilarious, I can't even adequately comment on it because it carries its own humor. Nothing I can possibly say would make it any funnier and more ridiculous than it already is. (For a good laugh, read through their copy.)

So let's talk about the marketing aspect.

There is a certain segment of the population that eats (drinks) this stuff up. Those very same crystal-hugging neo-hippies I mentioned earlier. (I think I just coined a word: "neo-hippies.")

And because of this segment, this is terrific marketing! They're creating a solid unique selling proposition (USP) that sets itself apart from every other commodity water-bottler out there. And because of that, they can charge a premium to gullible morons.

They've picked their target market. They're certainly not all things to all people. They've chosen a message and their market and have perfectly matched that message to their market.

It's genius. It's the ultimate snake-oil sales pitch. And I LOVE IT!

Pure genius. Go buy some H2Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

The Stan

The Resident Peach Hog

Alba is a peach hog! I bought 5-pounds of peaches from the Farmer's Market--maybe 20 peaches, or so, of which I've had MAYBE five.

I came home for lunch today hoping to have a nice juicy peach, because I knew there were at least four left, but no. Not a single one left. Nada. Zilch. Zip. Zerooooo.

WTF!!

I bought those Tuesday morning to last all week! Less than two days later they are ALL GONE!

Dammit! And I thought I went overboard buying this huge bag of peaches.

Why am I all pissed off about peaches?

I don't know. Maybe it's because they're one of my favorite fruits. But when it comes to fruit of any kind, Alba is like a vacuum hose, sucking up everything in sight.

The only fruit that lasts awhile are apples, and I'm not overly fond of apples. For me, it's peaches, strawberries, watermelon, and grapefruit--precisely what disappears faster than a strip of bacon down a dog's gullet.

Next time, I'm going to buy a frickin' truckload of those damn peaches. That way I can still have a frickin' peach two days later when Alba's wolfing them down 10 at a time!

The Stan

You Know You're Going Bald When...

You know you're going bald when you're standing outside at the Farmer's Market waiting for your Loma Saltado from the Happy Inka stand, and you notice the unusual warmth--searing heat, more like it--of the sun beaming down on the top of your head, and you just know your scalp is getting sunburned.

...when you have to comb your hair forward to help cover up the "M" of your receding hairline.

...when you visit your family for the first time in three years and the first thing out of their mouths is "What happened to your hair?"

...when your dad, your dad's dad, your mom's dad, and all her brothers are BALD!!!

...when you avoid putting any kind of product in your hair because every time you do, your hands come out looking like monkey palms.

...when you start to wonder if Rogaine would work for you.

...when you start seriously considering Rogaine.

...when you start actively looking for ways to reverse hair loss.

...when you discover that cayenne pepper soaked in vodka for two months is a natural remedy for reversing hair growth.

...when you actually go to the store to buy cayenne pepper (not as a seasoning) and vodka (not to drink).

...when you actually put the cayenne pepper into a jar of vodka and place it on your kitchen counter.

...when you have a countdown calendar for when the vodka-cayenne pepper solution is ready.

...when you watch its progress day by day as the vodka gradually turns pink and the excess cayenne pepper settles to the bottom.

...when you daydream of visiting your family again, and how the first thing out of their fat mouths will be "My, what big hair you have!"

...when you actually blog about losing hair.

Well...some of these are true (like the Farmer's Market Moment of Revelation). Vodka and cayenne pepper is actually supposed to work because it cleans out your pores, or something. (Ole Jay Kordich, the juice man, told me about that one.)

It's hopeless, I'm sure. I'll be Dr. Baldstan before too long.

Dr. Soon-to-be-Baldstan

The New & Improved Griffith Observatory.

It's been since before the renovation that I've gone to visit the Griffith Observatory. I remember not being very impressed with it. It was small. Not much to see except the planetarium show, which was its showpiece. That and the awesome view of downtown, the Wilshire corridor, and if the air is clear, Palos Verdes (among other sites).

But the renovation did the Observatory good. It's not a real observatory in the sense that astronomers do serious work there--it sits above the bright skies of L.A., after all. But it was built for the public and not astronomers, anyway.

It's really more of a museum of astronomy, especially now that they have the expanded basement under the front lawn.

Alba and I reserved a visit for yesterday and spent most of the day there taking in the new exhibits and the still-spectacular view (even if there was a bit of the typical mid-summer haze hanging in the air).

I love the new exhibits.

The Big Picture is the world's largest photographic image of the night sky, made up of 105 4' X 8' panels stretched three high (24' feet high) by 35 long (140' long). (It's HUGE!) And in it are hundreds, possibly thousands of far off galaxies that lie in a stretch of sky in the constellation Virgo that you could cover up with your index finger held at arm's length.

How's that for a visual demonstration of the expansiveness of the universe! Awe inspiring, it is.

Then there are the gigantic scale models of the solar system with a Saturn that dominates the ceiling area with its massive ring system, and a Pluto (no longer considered a planet), which is nothing but a small brass ball.

Then there are the gigantic, rotating full-relief globes of the Earth and Moon showing all the mountain ranges, deep-see trenches, moon craters, etc.

Then there are the meteorite exhibits, live images of the sun, time-lapse videos of solar activity, a visual model of the periodic table complete with actual samples of each element, even uranium. (But not many of the really heavy or man-made elements.) And other exhibits to keep you entertained for a few hours.

There's even a cafe and gift shop now.

I had read about a hike from the Observatory down to Fern Dell Park in a guide book to L.A. area hikes. So around 4:00 pm, Alba and I hiked down to Fern Dell Park, a shady park that follows a creek with charming little wooden bridges that cross it every so often. Then we hiked back up to the Observatory.

I think what I learn more than anything else that day was that reading about a 500-foot elevation gain is a hell of a lot different than actually hiking a 500-foot elevation gain! (Talk about my buns burning!)

After the hike, Alba and I took the shuttle back to the parking area and had dinner in a nice shady area of Griffith Park.

I love Griffith Park. It's HUGE! It's one of the largest municipal parks in the world. (The "Hollywood" sign sits below just one of the several peaks in the park.) And it's still quite nice, even after the fires. Nothing really important was lost in the fires. Just a few hiking trails, bench areas, and maybe the bird sanctuary, but don't quote me on it.

That still leaves the Zoo, the Gene Autry Museum, the Observatory, Greek Theater, Hollywood Sign, Equestrian Center, Golf Course, Merry-Go-Round, Visitor Center, Travel Town, several picnic areas, many miles of trails, baseball diamond, basketball and tennis courts, pool, etc. In other words, plenty to keep you busy.

Camping On Mt. Pinos

Well, I spent my Fourth of July camping in the Los Padres National Forest about two hours north of L.A. There is a campground near the summit of Mt. Pinos (elevation 8831 ft.) at elevation 8300 called Chula Vista, and it lies right on the border between Ventura and Kern Counties.

Chula Vista has a large parking lot, which marks the very end of Mt. Pinos Rd., and many amateur astronomers congregate there all year round (unless the road is closed due to snow.) The parking lot and adjacent meadow allow a break in the Pines which affords a spectacular view of most of the night sky.

But during the summer, the skies never get really dark. The edge of the horizon looks like it's constantly dusk. But if you look carefully, you could still make out a fuzzy patch where the Milky Way should be. It's a great spot for stargazing, and I took full advantage of it, searching out all the visible constellations and planets. Venus, Saturn, and Jupiter are all visible in the early evening right now. Venus shines bright in the west, with Saturn close by. Jupiter is obvious in the East.

But there weren't any astronomers there on the Fourth of July, though. In fact, it was deserted. The campground has 12 camp sites, and Alba and I were the only ones there. During the day, there were the occasional hikers, but come nightfall, we might as well have been in the Old West, except for the sound of an occasional commercial airplane far overhead.

The campsite was over 1000 feet from the edge of the parking lot, which made it a lot of work packing everything to and from the campsite. But it was worth it. You couldn't even see the parking lot from our camp.

The weather was mild, but extremely dry. The ground was nothing but dust, which crusted up our mucous membranes, and got in our eyes when our foreheads began to sweat.

Here were the amenities: picnic table, fire ring, and a bathroom which was just a hole in the ground. That's it. No running water whatsoever.

It's an interesting experience to live without running water. Try going to the bathroom, then realizing that you can't wash your hands. Or eat a peach, then have no way to wash off the stickiness. Or a layer of dust all over your body and especially your feet and between your toes, with no way to wash yourself. By the next day, Alba and I were nasty, sweaty, and stinking to high heaven.

But it was a hell of a lot of fun, and I can't wait to go again!

The best part was at night, when no one else was around. It's strange how a wooded landscape, which during the day is so beautiful and tranquil, can appear sinister and spooky at night. Alba was scared walking down the dark moonless path from the parking lot back to the campground after our stargazing session.

There was this one spot where the trail dipped down a bit, and cut through a rotting, fallen log. A section of it was cut out to allow for the path, and on one end of this huge log was a jumble of branches forming a dark, twisting shadow looming over the trail. At the same time, the temperature had dropped suddenly by at least 15 degrees.

Yep...pretty spooky.

And the woods were dead quiet all night. Not a sound, but the occasional breeze through the trees and the far off sound of commercial planes soaring overhead just to the south.

I've been camping enough to know that the forest is supposed to make noise at night. Crickets, insects, birds, animals, etc. In the Midwest, the woods can be downright LOUD. But these woods were dead silent. Not a sound until the early dawn when the birds start their song.

Just before dusk on the evening of the Fourth, I lit a fire, which started with surprising ease, and roasted some marshmellows, and assembled the obligatory s'mores. (Camping isn't really camping without a fire, roasted marshmellows, and s'mores!)

All in all, despite some painful and uncomfortable moments and fitful sleep, it was a great trip. I'm hooked on camping and hiking now, and like I said: I can't wait to go again!

Happy Independence Day!

Well, it's been a few days, so let me bring my readers up to date: not much happening here.

My laptop finally bit the dust, and seeing that it was my only home computer, that means I've got to use my work computer to make posts. But at the same time, I've been swamped at work because things are finally reaching the home stretch before implementation. (I'll be more specific about this once things get rolling.)

On another front, I've been reading tons. I breezed through the six Harry Potter books in about three weeks, and I'm dying to have that Book Seven in my hands RIGHT NOW!!

It's interesting how a writer can pull you into a fantasy world, and leave you begging for more, dying to find out what happens to characters who only exist in fantasy.

Fascinating.

I've decided I want to do that.

So I piled up some paperbacks I'll be working through over the course of the summer: some Stephen King, some Tom Clancy, some Dean Koontz, some Orson Scott Card (who many of you may not have heard of, but who has written tons of interesting and well-written sci-fi books).

But I'm reading for more than just pleasure--I want to analyze what these writers do to capture the reader's attention and keep them hooked throughout an entire 600-700 page book. I love a good a story. And I think I could tell a good one, myself.

On yet another front, Alba and I are going camping over the fourth. It's been AGES since I've been camping. In fact, I bought a tent 'way back in 2000 and have never used it. So I figured it's time to break that baby out and put it through its paces.

Of course, one overnight stay up on a high and dry Mt. Pinos in the Los Padres National Forest probably won't be putting it through its paces, but it will be fun, anyway. There are hiking trails, camping spots....well, that's about it. But there will be trails and camping spots, and I suppose that's all you need except for a john, and fortunately there is one of those close by, as well.

But what I'm most looking forward to, and I'm hoping dearly to find, are the amateur astronomers who like to congregate at the Chula Vista parking lot close to where we'll be camping. If there are star nerds with their humongous telescopes out, you can bet I'll be making friends with some of them in the hope of getting a peak through their telescope!

(It just occurred to me that some of you may consider these humongous telescopes to be phallic symbols--which I suppose they are--and may find my wish to gawk at them quite amusing. Particularly since in the astronomy world, bigger is definitely better, and certainly gets the owner a lot of attention. But I assure you that phallis is not on my mind...just a desire to see some cool astronomical--NOT asstronomical nor gastronomical--phenomenon.)

I'll tell you about my trip when I get back. So, until then...

The Stan